| not updating this thing again |
[06 Sep 2006|12:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic/melancholy |
] |
It's hard to believe that Joseph and Raul cared, because when I stop, they don't even question why or what happened, they let it go, were they never my friends or just they were never my friends without a question mark. Am I wrong? or am I right?
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(3 sick&tired of living)
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| The Suicide's Soliloquy |
[08 Aug 2006|04:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 complacent |
] |
Yes! I've resolved the deed to do,
And this the place to do it:
This heart I'll rush a dagger through,
Though I in hell should rue it!
Hell! What is hell to one like me
Who pleasures never know;
By friends consigned to misery,
By hope deserted too?
To ease me of this power to think,
That through my bosom raves,
I'll headlong leap from hell's high brink,
And wallow in its waves.
Though devils yell, and burning chains
May waken long regret;
Their frightful screams, and piercing pains,
Will help me to forget.
Yes! I'm prepared, through endless night,
To take that fiery berth!
Think not with tales of hell to fright
Me, who am damn'd on earth!
Sweet steel! come forth from our your sheath,
And glist'ning, speak your powers;
Rip up the organs of my breath,
And draw my blood in showers!
I strike! It quivers in that heart
Which drives me to this end;
I draw and kiss the bloody dart,
My last—my only friend!
PS: GOODBYE.
|
(tired of living)
|
|
[31 Jul 2006|11:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bloated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Simpsons |
] |
I realized that I didn't eat alot of food when I was bleeding from my vaginal canal this month due to not being at home and at S&F. And today I ate alot. I guess it makes up for not eating alot those days.
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(2 sick&tired of living)
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|
[31 Jul 2006|03:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 way happy |
] |
Just like every good day or event, before it begins, I think to myself, "Thank God it's only the beginning because it's not going to end yet."
This amazing weekend filled with something that's a big part of my life... went by so fast, and I wish it didn't end so fast. Always, always.
I thought Outbreak did better when I saw them at Chain. Have Heart was sooo good, holy mother fucker! Betrayed... what can I say? My mind always sharpens every single fucking time I see that band.
Being with him for 4 nights, 3 days was more than I could ever ask for.
Being with my best friend was awesome... I only wish she wasn't sick.
MADNESS IS WHAT KEEPS ME SANE.
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(1 sick&tired of living)
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|
[27 Jul 2006|07:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 beyond excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
No Sweat! |
] |
Tomorrow is it. Sound & Fury Festival. I don't even know what to say to you readers... but, ( Read more... )
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(tired of living)
|
|
[25 Jul 2006|01:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Have Heart |
] |
Eating El Tarasco (if you've never tried it, you are missing way way way out) with Walter is only 2 days away. Sound & Fury is only 3 days away :]
I'm not working today anymore because they canceled the project. So, I've only worked 3 days total, got paid 10 bucks per hour, so that's a total of 150 dollars.
They're asking me to work in Long Beach, it's far, but I'd only have to drive to Pico Blvd & Olympia Blvd I think? which is closer than Playa Del Rey. I might do it, but Long Beach is STILL far.
One of my co-workers was telling me about her new job as a Life Guard. I got way super stoked because well, I'm a good swimmer and I love swimming and the Life Guard test seems pretty easy. She gets paid 20.50 per hour! I'm contemplating about that.
I'm almost done with Drawing A, when I get my Drawing B stuff, I'm gonna finish it right away.
Sink With Cali is almost here! Even though the line-up is different, I'm still stoked. And it's right on the fucking beach!
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(tired of living)
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|
[21 Jul 2006|08:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
I really wish people knew who they are.
& stop wasting my fucking time.
|
(1 sick&tired of living)
|
| I miss them alot.. |
[19 Jul 2006|06:30pm] |
real friends are hard to find.
someone that will be there when you're loosin' your mind.
fake friends and smiles they wear,
they act like they do, but they don't fucking care!
I don't know how you shake my hand,
how can you be my brother? you're not even a man.
I don't think you know the fucking meaning of friend.
when I'm down you've got three hands to lend,
they're for the good, they're for the bad.
one thing that keeps me from going mad.
sometimes I just need someone to talk to,
someone that I trust, that's when you say "yo! I got you!"
sometimes I wanna give up, because life can get bogus.
that's why I got friends, and you fucking know this!
don't have to explain because you know the deal.
you're like a brother, won't lie, won't cheat, won't steal.
to those who go behind my back and sneak around...
I'll turn that fake ass smile into a frown.
why is it so hard to say how you feel?!
my true brothers know how to be real!
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(tired of living)
|
|
[15 Jul 2006|10:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
Happy 6 month, my love <3
Thank you for the best 6 months ever. I love you!
& I'm on my way to the South Bay... L8!
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(1 sick&tired of living)
|
|
[14 Jul 2006|03:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Simpsons Season 2 DVD |
] |
Today is my 1 year of having my driver's license... now I don't gotta worry, even though I never did worry.
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(tired of living)
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|
[12 Jul 2006|12:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
10 things I hate about you |
] |
So, to make it worthwhile to drive to my new job, it would be 12/hour (because of gasoline reimbursement), but I said I'd only do it if he offered at least 10/hour... which my boss is infact offering to pay me that much, but now I've decided not to drive for this job, so I'd only be driving there & back, saving myself gasoline AND getting paid 9.50/hour! WOOOOO!!
& the place is at Playa del Rey, 30 minute drive, whatever!
And I think the shifts are pretty good: 3-8 Sunday-Thursday, 10-3 Saturday, and Friday's are off.
Getta do whatever I want! When I want! Sweet life.
Today was awesome, I really needed it, thank you Mister Lippmann <3 I LOVE YOU!
I saw The Hills Have Eyes... so dumb.
Tomorrow, or today actually, I'm going to Taft to get a note, then piano lesson, then back home & do my make up, then going to Taft to take my senior pictures :]
Forget about curling my hair, obviously it doesn't fit in my schedule and it'd probably take forever seeing how my hair is.
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(tired of living)
|
|
[10 Jul 2006|11:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
King Kong |
] |
I really hope my old boss pays me at least 10 dollars/hour for this new project. It's not even in the valley... definately not in the valley, so driving will be a bust. But if it's good pay... I'm up for it.
Anyways, I am finally going to see Walter tomorrow after a week :]!!!
& this saturday is going to be amazing!
-Beverly
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(1 sick&tired of living)
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| I miss Walter though :"[ |
[08 Jul 2006|04:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Looking Up |
] |
I woke up at 8:20 AM today & went to get my hair cut/colored. Yeah, no more gold, well, not completely. I like the color alot, and my hair is just shorter, still kinda long or medium whatever. Then I went to eat lunch at a "famous" Chinese restaurant, it was yummy. Then my mother took me to the Hello Kitty store & got me stuff :]
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(tired of living)
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|
[07 Jul 2006|01:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Simpsons Season 1 DVD |
] |
All of a sudden within the last 4 minutes, I thought about my old friend Adam, whom I was like best-friends with during the end of 8th grade until the end of that year. I remember when he would always be there for me and stood up for me when that psycho crush I use to have would perpetually make up ridiculous lies. I remember trying to tell him the difference between post hardcore and hardcore music. And attempting to making him listening to a bunch of bands I listen to. Now, he's most defintately not someone I would want to associate with, but I was just thinking about him and all my old friends and just middle school in general. I also remember clearly why we stopped being friends... a stupid reason, but something I will always remember.
I like change... change is good.
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(2 sick&tired of living)
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|
[02 Jul 2006|01:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
new Outbreak |
] |
I'm eating Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream, and it's so yummy!
The past 2 nights, I went to Bane, Modern Life Is War, Outbreak, and This Is Hell... I HAD SO MUCH FUCKING FUN. Picked up new Outbreak, anddd fuck it's the shit! Fucking best 2 nights of this summer so far... :]
Well, not sure what I'm doing on Independence day anymore, I want to be with my family, but I also want to go watch the fire works because honestly I've never actually stopped and watched them.
I got to start on my Drawing A homework :[
anddddddd I miss Walter :[
But, my life is pretty much amazing right now... Cameren's birthday present STILL hasn't fucking arrived it's been like over a week! FUCK!
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(1 sick&tired of living)
|
|
[27 Jun 2006|08:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 morose |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jawbreaker |
] |
I hate feeling this way.
|
(tired of living)
|
| Even though it's technically your birthday... but not, whatever |
[25 Jun 2006|12:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
Dear Cameren Brooke Metzler,
Thanks for being a great best-friend. Thank you for always being there for me. Even though you tell me that you're not good with advice, or don't know the right things to say.. when I'm sad or down you always make me feel better; just like that one time at school when you first saw me cried. Finally you're not 16 anymore... fuck that age. I've said this before, but I'll say it again, I want to thank you for my last birthday present because I'd like to think it's because of you I am with who I am with today, haha. I hope you have a great 17th year, make the right decisions, not have a 12 o clock curfew, have fun with me senior year & all the awesome shows this summer and beyond, and much much more. Also, thanks for buying me food and lots of other things. I looked on your entry about my 17th birthday, and we don't eat Baja Fresh anymore, but by the end of this month (hopefully) you will try El Tarasco, haha! Have a great birthday my amazing best-friend :]
Love,
Beverly.
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(1 sick&tired of living)
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|
[23 Jun 2006|03:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
SYG |
] |
That's the last thing I need..
|
(tired of living)
|
|
[19 Jun 2006|01:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
Ugh, I hope I passed my Chemistry & Algebra 2 finals... Yeah, pray for me, or hope for me, whatever. Now, I have only 2 finals left and they're easy, woo.
Bitter End, Shipwreck, Palehorse, & Pressure this Wednesday @ the Knitting Factory, word. I have to get my Sound & Fury tickets.. hmmm what else? Oh yeh, get a job, again.
I love Walter Delgado, hehe :P
and everyone that I care about & cares about me.
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(tired of living)
|
|
[02 Jun 2006|10:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
Work is annoying, but I love talking to people. I can't wait for next week, Verse! And... 12 more school days for me.
SAT's tomorrow morning, fuck it, I see no point.
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(tired of living)
|
|
[30 May 2006|11:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
I need you to be here with me now :"[
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(tired of living)
|
| My schedule. |
[28 May 2006|04:48pm] |
|
Monday, May 29: 10 AM - 3 PM.
Tuesday, May 30: Off; Study/homework time.
Wednesday, May 31: Off; LU!recording possibly..
Thursday, June 1: 4 PM - 9 PM.
Friday, June 2: Off.
Saturday, June 3: 2 PM - 7:30 PM... I might not work because I want to see someone ;]
Sunday, June 4: 10 PM - 8:30 PM.
Monday, June 5: 4 PM - 9 PM.
Tuesday, June 6: Last day of work; Not going to school.
Wednesday, June 7: Verse @ Chain Reaction.
So far, I've made $270 :]
|
(tired of living)
|
| In.. |
[28 May 2006|04:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
better |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
stay gold |
] |
I love you Walter! I love you! I love you! I love you!!!!!!!
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(tired of living)
|
| You may be confused by this entry. |
[27 May 2006|08:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
grateful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
stay gold |
] |
As you may or may not know, I am a person that believes that nothing is coincidence...
I thought I was going to die today. And I keep thinking back on what if this, what if I said yes ok, what if I didn't do "this" yesterday, blah blah blah.
It's nothing THAT bad, it could've been worse, but I'm just saying, it's never happened to me before, I never even had the slightest idea that that could have happened, I never thought about danger.
Well, I need rest.
L8!
PS.
& I just told my stupid mother and like always, she never lets me finish and says shit that just makes me feel stupid and yada yada. I fucking hate her. I shouldn't have told her.
IF PARENTS WOULD JUST REALIZE THAT THEY ARE FUCKING LUCKY ENOUGH THEIR SONS OR DAUGHTERS EVEN COMMUNICATE WITH THEM SO MUCH AND ARE CLOSE TO THEIR PARENTS...
I swear to whatever I believe in, I'm never telling her shit again.
& I know this may look like I turned my original "problem" into my mother, but it's not her.
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(1 sick&tired of living)
|
|
[24 May 2006|10:35pm] |
...And like always, I wait till the last minute to write my essays :[
UGH FUCK!
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(tired of living)
|
|
[22 May 2006|11:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
kelly clarkson |
] |
1st day of work was awesome! I love it!
I'll be going in tomorrow 4-9, friday 4-9, saturday 29-7, and sunday 10-8.
Word, I'm stoked.
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(tired of living)
|
|
[18 May 2006|06:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
accomplished |
] |
I just got back from my job interview; it was good. See, I am good at public speaking. Also, since I drive, I'm getting paid $9.00 per hour. Sweeeeeeet!
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(4 sick&tired of living)
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|
[15 May 2006|05:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
new first step |
] |
The new first step is so good. I suggest you go and get it now! or on the 18th I mean.
I can't wait for this year and next year! I am so excited and happy.
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(2 sick&tired of living)
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|
[14 May 2006|06:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
Forget about my last entry.
Seeing Walter for 3 days in a row was amazing. I love him! I finally saw V For Vendetta for 3 dollars, it is seriously... so good; gotta buy the dvd when it comes out! I also saw MI:3 today, that was good too.
I really dislike my mother. I realized I can now control myself from shouting my opinions at her. I just have to keep it to myself until I move out or no longer need her. I still can't believe her...
Now, I have to do my homework :[
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(2 sick&tired of living)
|
|
[10 May 2006|09:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 procrastinating |
] |
I think I have pink eye.. to be specific, viral conjunctivitis pink eye. Yuck.
Ok, back to chemistry studying, ugh!
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(2 sick&tired of living)
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|
[05 May 2006|08:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
rites of spring |
] |
I got a 5 on my AP music theory final! not the actual exam, just the final in the class. Yay! I finally have an A! So, I deserve a reward... ask my mother to buy me a full size bed and a new hello kitty bed set. Yeah, I am crazy. But, the weekend is here, fuck yeah!
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(tired of living)
|
|
[04 May 2006|07:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
haunted life |
] |
You are fucking annoying.
& how many entries have I made like this? I'd say about 2 or 3 of them are about the same person. Woooooo!
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(tired of living)
|
|
[03 May 2006|07:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
kelly clarkson |
] |
took my AP music theory exam today, i think i did pretty okay. i wish i could've left school early :[
chelsea came over and it was so nice finally seeing her again. talked about the past and how it upsets us... people.
i need summer to be here. & i need to seriously bring up my grades for chemistry and algebra 2... god i hate science and math and all that crap.
yeah... gotta look into signing up for a pierce college class so i can leave at 12:30 next semester. i can't wait!
i can't wait for shows, for more friends, for more walter, for no more junior year, for gym, for being healthy, for having a good digestive system, for work, for money, & other little things.
ok, gotta go. L8!
|
(tired of living)
|
| i hate being sick |
[29 Apr 2006|05:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
madball |
] |
life is so annoying at home.
yesterday, i went to set your goals at alpine. it was very fun.. only during set your goals. & i missed crime in stereo, major bummer. with or without you covered my favorite cro-mags song, they did it okay! animosity sucks, no shit.
went to the doctors today, got my medicine, bought a new hello kitty cell-phone charm-shit-thing. ate some yummy taiwan food. and right now i'm incredibly weak. i would say i only got about 20-25 hours of sleep this week :[ probably staying home tonight, because i should, but i don't want to.
tomorrow should be fun! go it alone, final fight, lights out, allegiance, force of change, hit the deck at alpine. word!
-beverly
|
(tired of living)
|
|
[25 Apr 2006|08:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bane |
] |
FUCKA POD.
it fucked itself again! & i just got it on saturday! WTF. whatever, i'm going to the apple store on thursday. tomorrow is paint it black, shook ones, and the loved ones :]
|
(tired of living)
|
|
[24 Apr 2006|07:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
new crime in stereo |
] |
this weekend was okay. friday, i went to 108, drove by myself, it kinda sucked, but i didn't care. the show was overall pretty good, not alot of people in attendance. i'm not a superfan of 108, but they did very well live, like really! miles away is so fucking good, and they fucking covered "i don't wanna hear it!" FUCK FUCK FUCK OMG! ...yeah if you knew me, you'd understand why. i'm gonna miss blue monday...
saturday, stayed home and attempted to study. god, i really need someone to teach me or show me some good study habits. in the afternoon, my ipod stopped working. i checked my warranty, and it said i had 2 more days, so i went to the apple store and they gave me a brand new 4th generation ipod! i'm way stoked. however, i was told a lie because i heard they are suppose to give you the newest generation ipod. fuck, i wish! but i'm still so satisfied :]
sunday, my amazing boyfriend came at 10:30 AM. i was still pretty much sleeping. we ate topanga pizza, mmmm. attempted to study again, didn't work. all that and i missed panic, which i heard the show was only about an hour and a bit more, fuck fuck fuck my life! i'll get over it...
i'd have to say, my music folder on my computer is probably better than yours. i am indeed a computer/technology nerd. if you ever want any mp3s, just ask :]
wednesday, april 26 @ troubadour - paint it black, shook ones, the loved ones.
friday, april 28th @ alpine - set your goals, crime in stereo, with or without you, stick to your guns.
sunday, april 30th @ alpine - go it alone, final fight, lights out, allegiance, force of change.
monday, may 1st @ chain reaction - go it alone, snake eyes, virtue, jerez.
this week is gonna rule!
as of school, i'm failing chemistry, but i asked bianca (bianca carrion) for help. my AP music theory test is on may 3rd... wish me luck, but i'll probably get at least a 3 :P
-beverly
PS. new crime in stereo rules!!!!!!!
EDIT: I HAVE TO SAY AGAIN, THAT FUCKING NEW CRIME IN STEREO IS SO FUCKING GOOD. OMG, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE IT'S JUST ME? GO GET THAT SHIT!
|
(tired of living)
|
| ... |
[20 Apr 2006|06:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
turning point 1988-1991 discography lp |
] |
i really wish asian people weren't so strict and annoying.
|
(1 sick&tired of living)
|
| fuck spring-break still.. |
[14 Apr 2006|11:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
go it alone/blue monday split 7" |
] |
god damn veggie hot wings are so delicious! and ice cream. i feel satisfied :] tonight, i'm gonna go to daggermouth at kung foo, should be fun! word.
|
(2 sick&tired of living)
|
| i'm over spring-break.. |
[11 Apr 2006|11:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
betrayed - bring it to life |
] |
started working out again.. cramped up within the first 5 minutes of running, but i still did my 20 minute run non-stop. still have the same routine: lift weights, run, swim.
my computer has been showing up the no-disk space sign every 2 seconds or so; i'm upgrading my hard disk from 40 GB to 80 GB, and hopefully a new ram tomorrow morning.
i can't wait to hang out with chelsea on thursday--- i miss that girl so fucking much!
daggermouth shows on friday and saturday, so fucking stoked!
4 more days until he comes home :]
|
(tired of living)
|
| 2004 |
[10 Apr 2006|11:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thankful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
rise and fall |
] |
i don't miss it at all. i only miss it with the people that i still give a shit about. i hate the people i was around with. which led me on to do the one thing that i regret today. i don't care if you think it's stupid that i regret what i regret because that's how i feel about it and nothing you say will change it. & don't tell me that i shouldn't live life with regrets and all that cliche shit, because we do regret some things, little things, big things, and that's fucking ok! so with that being said, i'm glad i peaced out most of them.
..just to get it through some people's heads.
|
(tired of living)
|
|
[09 Apr 2006|12:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bitter end |
] |
spring-break started off good. i didn't go to school friday. so thursday, i went to the south bay to hangout with walter. i had the most bomb ass burrito i've ever eaten, no seriously, you don't even understand. friday, we watched passion of the christ; i cried 5 times, man... :"[
the show was okay. not the best looking up set, and LBE was good. gunsmoke is the shit, as well as first to leave! word. go and buy their new full length on straight on records.
he comes home in 6 days!
yesterday, i went shopping with cammie. i'm happy with spending money and useless shit. then i had the most bomb ass enchiladas! fuck yeah. then we bought ice cream and went to my house to watch the have heart DVD. it rules! i wanna go back to sink with cali! FUCK. i cannot wait, it's gonna be the shit.
anyways, i'm addicted to bitter end. i can't wait til they come here with fucking shipwreck! FUCK.
-beverly
|
(4 sick&tired of living)
|
|
[03 Apr 2006|09:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
memoirs of a geisha |
] |
i really need to work hard in school.
|
(tired of living)
|
| navigation |
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] |
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